| Date: 2005-04-09 7:58 a.m. It’s getting in the way. I’ve been missing class. Not tests, but lectures. Still, I shouldn’t be missing lectures. I’ve had problems with this before. I’ve mentioned them here. I knew when I got a computer at the beginning of this semester that I was taking a risk. The effect of that risk is manifesting itself in such ways that I feared. I have something in between a 3.0 and 4.0 this semester as it is, which is great for how little I have been trying. However, I know I won’t be satisfied with this. Getting a 4.0 last semester was a great feeling. It’s quite doubtful I can match that this semester but it’s important that I salvage what I can. There are certain situations I find myself in that remind me I’m human. I thought I could be strong enough to handle it like normal people can. For the first few months I was fine. But there have been a few times recently where I’ve actually been awake in my room and playing some useless, random game while class is going on. I have different forces in my own mind. One tells me to go to class, that I need to go listen to the lectures. Another tells me, fuck it, just skip class, you can read the chapters in the textbook later on instead. The other watches both of them make their arguments, and takes note of things. I think—at this point in my life—that I’m in more control of the latter than I’ve ever been.I feel the smartest option right now is to take myself away from this for awhile. May 11th is the last exam day this semester. Until then, I will not be on my computer nearly as much, and thus may not be writing in here as often (not that I write much to begin with anyway). Most likely, what you see will be things I’ve already written. I apologize. I hope you can understand. |
